i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Randomize
