YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
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