I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
It was a blind-side dick pic.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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