The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Randomize
