so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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