yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Randomize
