Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
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There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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