I think my vagina is haunted
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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