If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
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