Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Randomize
