I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
