He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Randomize
