So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Randomize
