# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
