I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
My ATM looks so different sober.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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