Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
