is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
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