Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
