so let's talk penis.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
the raccoons are back...
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