Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
