You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
