I'm eating all of the evidence.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
He's on the porch naked. Help.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
