I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
