I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
