his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
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