HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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