I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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