the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Randomize
