You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I believe in your delicious
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Randomize
