But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
