highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
