1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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