I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
