grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Randomize
