If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Randomize
