I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Randomize
