My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
