he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
