I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
