awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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