He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Randomize
