When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
