9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
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I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
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I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I just gargled with NyQuil
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
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