bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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