I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
