You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
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