NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
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