batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Randomize
