our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
