I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Randomize
