you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
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Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
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