Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
