You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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