Nicole vs. Life
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
