Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Randomize
