Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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