How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
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