LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
