franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
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