my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
