I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
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