guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
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i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Randomize