getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
we should paint friendship bongs
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
