that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Randomize
