You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
My cat gives me a boner
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
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