had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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