I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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