at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Randomize
