Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
it was like having sex with a tree stump
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
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