I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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