took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
