It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
