The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
