So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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