please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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