just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize
