I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Randomize
