Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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