He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
