Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Randomize
