SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
